


a beautiful mind

by waywardaussies



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Calum is only briefly mentioned, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Suicide Attempt, and the receptionist is amazing, hallucination!mikey, mental patient!luke, mikey is a dick, neither trigger warnings are graphically described, schizophrenia!luke, the cutting isn't even described at all its an implied thing, therapist!ashton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 08:57:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3644364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardaussies/pseuds/waywardaussies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dr. Irwin listened intently, jotting down a few things here and there, but not as much as Dr. Hood. Dr. Irwin actually listened. He didn’t interrupt Luke; he didn’t make Luke feel less than a human. He cared.</p><p>~*~</p><p>or the one where ashton is a therapist, luke is a schizophrenic, mikey is an asshole of a hallucination, and the receptionist is truly wonderful</p>
            </blockquote>





	a beautiful mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [strangebyler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangebyler/gifts).



> WOW THIS TOOK A LOT OUT OF ME!
> 
> so this all started with me and peyton (peyyxlashton) doing our normal thing and talking about different head canons, when i thought "holy shit i wanna write this!"
> 
> so this is for you peyton! <3

“Dr. Irwin will see you now.” The receptionist said to Luke, giving him a warm smile as the nervous boy got up off the seat and walked into the office. Once he was through the door, Luke looked down at his hands, too timid to look Dr. Irwin in the eyes. 

“Hey Luke! How you doing today?” The doctor asked with a friendly smile. Normally, Luke would cringe at his therapist’s overly happy façade, hating how someone could be so happy all the time. By Dr. Irwin was different. He was young, had crazy curly brown hair, dimples on both of his cheeks, and wore glasses that seemed too big for his face. Sitting down in the giant cushiony chair, Luke refused to look Dr. Irwin in the eye, keeping his head low and only looking up through his long lashes. 

“You know Luke,” Dr. Irwin said softly. “You can talk to me about anything here. I will not judge you or ridicule you. This is a safe place.”

Luke thought over Dr. Irwin’s words, nodding his head slowly as he lifted his head up to meet his therapist’s eyes. “I hear voices.”

The therapist seemed intrigued, eyebrow cocked in fascination. “Really? And what do these voices tell you?”

“That I’m ugly, and fat, and people are out to get me.” Luke shrunk further and further into his seat with every word he said, arms crossed over his chest as if to protect himself from the unknown.

“Well, I can tell you right now that you are not ugly, or fat, and no one is out to get you.” Dr. Irwin gave Luke another smile. “Do you have any friends, Luke?”

“Just one. Mikey.” 

“When did you meet Mikey?” Dr. Irwin asked, grabbing a pen from his desk and a piece of paper as he prepared to write down whatever it is he needed to write. Luke never understood why his therapists needed to write stuff down. Weren’t they smart enough to remember everything? 

“I don’t know, he just came into my life one day. I tell him secrets.” Luke’s eyes widened, turning his head to the side of the room as he mumbled something Dr. Irwin couldn’t hear. 

“Is he here right now?” the therapist asked, obviously knowing what Luke’s condition was.

“Yes. He’s calling you a dick face.” Luke spoke his words so matter-of-factly, Dr. Irwin nearly choked on his own spit. “Can’t you see him?”

The therapist gave Luke a sad smile, shaking his head. “No, Luke, I can’t. Because Mikey really isn’t there.”

“Why does everyone tell me that? I see him; he’s here. He’s real.” Luke’s voice rose, but still noting more than normal speaking level. 

Dr. Irwin sighed, writing something down on his piece of paper. “Luke, has anyone ever told you about why you are the only one that can see Mikey?” 

Luke was stunned by the question, not sure as to why he was the only one that can see him. People have told him he had schizophrenia, but Luke never believed it, too caught up in his own world to see that what he is going through wasn’t normal.

“I have schizophrenia.” 

“Good, you understand that.” The doctor gave Luke another smile, and this time, Luke felt the need to smile back. His lips turned upwards and Dr. Irwin instantly felt relieved to see that the man sitting in front of him was smiling. “You’ve got a very nice smile. I’d like to see it more often.”

“So… you’re not going to give me away like Dr. Hood?” Luke’s voice was whispered, fingers trembling as he bit down at his lip—which is where a black ring was rested. Dr. Irwin felt a pang of sadness, seeing how Luke was so insecure over the lost of his previous therapist. What Luke didn’t know was that Dr. Hood moved offices, somewhere closer to his hometown, and Luke wasn’t able to get there anymore. 

“I promise I wont give you away, if you promise to keep coming every week. What d’ya say?” Luke saw the doctor’s hand extend towards Luke, as if to shake on a deal. Shyly, Luke accepted the hand and held it lightly, shaking softly as he watched Dr. Irwin’s smile grow. “Now, let’s talk about you.”

And that how Luke started talking about his life: how his parents split when he was a kid, how his older brothers want nothing to do with him because of his disorder, how his mother was feeling the strain of taking care of Luke while juggling 3 jobs. Dr. Irwin listened intently, jotting down a few things here and there, but not as much as Dr. Hood. Dr. Irwin actually listened. He didn’t interrupt Luke; he didn’t make Luke feel less than a human. He cared.

When their session was over, Luke got up slowly, giving Dr. Irwin a small smile before turning to leave out the door. However, before he could leave, the doctor called for Luke, making the patient turn around with a questioning look. “Just for future reference, you can call me Ashton. I’d like you to feel as comfortable as you can here.” Luke smiled and walked out the door. 

~*~

Luke has always been very apprehensive with meeting and talking to new people, especially therapists. This was because Mikey always liked to tell Luke that they weren’t real, and they lie to Luke that Mikey isn’t real. After being told over and over again that Mikey wasn’t real, Luke has started to believe it, but there was that small part of him that didn’t. That small part that thought Mikey was real and everything else in this world was an illusion. 

However, Mikey was being really persistent in trying to get Luke to believe that Ashton wasn’t real. 

“I mean, come on. You know I’m the only one that really cares about you. Everyone else is just pretending.” Mikey said, his arms crossed as he watches Luke physically become distraught.

“No! You’re wrong! You’re fake, not Ashton!” Luke yelled, clenching his eyes shut and rocking back and forth.

“See, you’re calling him by his first name. What real doctor would let you call him by his first name?! He’s obviously not real!”

“I call you by your first name!” Luke fought back, keeping his eyes closed and refusing to look at the bright red headed boy. 

“That’s cause we’re friends Lukey.”

“You’re not real.” Luke speaks, his voice so small it could be masked by a pin dropping. 

“Fine, don’t believe me.” Mikey shrugged, walking over to sit next to Luke. “But always know, I care about you. I’m the only one that cares about you, not Ashton or your mom. Me.”

“I-I know…”

That’s what leads to Luke running to Ashton’s office, throwing the doors open as he stares wide eyed at the doctor, chest heaving from running. Ashton was with a patient, giving him the same smile he gives Luke, and for some reason, Luke didn’t like that. But once Ashton saw Luke, his smile fades and a look of pure concern replaces it.

“Luke, is everything ok?” Ashton asked.

“Y-You’re… you’re not real.” Luke felt his world shatter watching Ashton’s face drop. He wish it wasn’t true, that Ashton wasn’t real, but Mikey said, and Mikey never lied to Luke…

“Luke… why don’t you sit in the waiting room for a minute. I’m almost done with my current patient.” Luke just nodded, eyes empty as he turns to sit in front of the receptionist, who decides that even looking at Luke would be risky—her eyes glued to her desk. 

A minute felt like an hour when Ashton finally leaves his office, following an older man as the patient walks out. He goes over to Luke, kneeling in front of the boy. 

“Luke, I know its hard for you to believe, but I’m real.” Ashton says softly, his hand going up to rest on Luke’s knee (Luke ignored the butterflies that filled his stomach from the doctor’s gesture). “Want me to prove it to you?”

“Ho-How?”

“Spend the afternoon with me. I don’t have anymore appointments, so we can go to lunch.” Ashton then smiles and Luke smiles back, remembering how Ashton said he liked his smile.

“O-Ok…”

Luke waits the few minutes it takes for Ashton to get his jacket and keys, watching as he locks his office door and turns to Luke with a big smile. “Let’s get going then.” He waves goodbye to the receptionist, who returns the gesture with a smile of her own. 

Once they are outside, Ashton gently takes Luke by the arm, not wanting to startle him too much. But Ashton’s touch didn’t make Luke flinch like he normally does. Instead, he went into it, feeling the warmth radiating off from Ashton’s palm and onto his arm. Luke was lead into a small café, where Ashton ordered a hot coffee and Luke just got a croissant. They found a table in the corner and Ashton talked to Luke like he was a normal person; they talked about sports, the weather, things they liked, music, and celebrities. 

Luke was happy. He liked watching Ashton talk mostly; how his lips curved upwards with everything he said that pertained to something he loved. He used his hands a lot as well, Luke wasn’t used to seeing someone talk with their hands the way Ashton does, always flinging them around excitedly. Normally, Luke would shy away from the abrupt movement, but he found himself leaning forward, resting his head in his hand and watching with fond-filled eyes.

And when Luke did speak, he didn’t whisper, mutter, or play with his hands timidly. Ashton noticed this, but not wanting to point it out—fear that Luke would become self-conscious and return to his nervous habits. Luke laughed a lot at what Ashton said, finding everything that the doctor said really funny. But there was one thing Ashton said (something about his younger brother and a jar of pickles) that had Luke throwing his head back in a violent fit of laughter, the sound practically taking up the entire café. 

Ashton’s heart swelled seeing Luke become so comfortable with him. He took a sip of his coffee, watching as Luke calmed down from his laughter fit when he decided to tell Luke, “You’ve got a really loud laugh.”

Luke’s eyes widened, a hand quickly reaching up to cover his mouth insecurely. “S-Sorry… I just… no one’s ever told me something that funny before. I’m sorry, that was obnoxious.”

“Not obnoxious, actually really endearing.” Ashton admits, watching as Luke’s cheeks blush. “I’d also like to point out that you haven’t mumbled at all since coming here. Why the sudden boost in confidence?”

Luke blushed even redder, lowering his eyes as he whispers, “The voices go away when I’m with you…”

~*~

Luke continued going to his appointments with Dr. Irwin—Ashton, as Luke’s been accustomed to calling the doctor—and he can feel himself becoming happier. He doesn’t know exactly how, but he knows that when he’s sitting in the overly plushy chair, facing Ashton—who’s smile is so big and genuine—he can feel himself getting better. He can feel himself becoming normal, with the exception of the occasional hallucination. 

However, one day it was bad. Luke doesn’t think he’s ever had it this bad, never before has he seen someone’s death. Mikey was giving Luke cunning smiles as he played the same scene over and over again in Luke’s head, watching as the helpless boy grabbed at his head and pulled at his hair. Because this wasn’t just any person’s death, it was Ashton’s. 

“He’s gone, Luke. Now you don’t have to pretend that he cares about you.” Mikey said viciously. 

“No! You’re wrong!” Luke screamed, jumping up to throw the vase on his dresser. The shattering glass echoed in the room, as if there was nothing in the room to absorb the sound. “He’s not dead!”

“Why don’t you believe me?!” Mikey asked angrily, shoving Luke and making him stumble back. “You don’t talk to me anymore! You only talk to that fucking doctor! It’s better that he’s gone, now you don’t have to ignore me!”

“NO!” Luke ran into the bathroom, opening the drug drawer and taking out the pain killers. He stared down at the orange bottle, eyes glazed over with tears. Ashton’s gone. Luke took a handful of pills and swallowed them, washing them down with the sink water and before he knew it, he was feeling the affects of the medicine. Luke backed up so that his back was against the wall, facing the mirror. He watched as his reflection blurred and his body slid down the wall. 

~*~

The next thing Luke remembers is waking up to a white room. Instantly, he thought he was dead, and that made him happy because then he can see Ashton again. Only… there’re no doctors in heaven…

“Mr. Hemmings, do you know where you are right now?” a man in white asked. Luke shook his head, vision too blurry to make out detail. “You’re in a hospital. You attempted sucide. Do you remember this?” Luke nodded, knowing full well what he was trying to do. He didn’t success… sadly. “I have contacted your therapist…”

“He’s dead.” Luke spoke, barely recognizing his voice with it being gravelly from underuse. He has no idea how long he’s been out, but he definitely hasn’t been hydrated well enough. 

“I-I’m sorry?” the doctor asked, his head tilted to the side in confusion. “Dr. Irwin is your therapist, right?”

“Yes. He’s dead. I saw him die.”

“Well then… that is a bit awkward. Cause he is on his way right now.” And like fate, Ashton comes busting through the doors, heart racing as his eyes land on the weak looking boy sitting on the hospital bed. “Ah, Dr. Irwin. Mr. Hemmings says that you died.” The doctor said, voice laced with a joking tone.

“Luke…” Ashton said cautiously. “Why would you think I died?”

It was then that Luke lost it. “N-No! You can’t be here! Y-You died!! I sa-saw you die!!” Luke began thrashing his arms around in a fit, much like a child would have if they didn’t get what they wanted. Ashton quickly made his way over to Luke’s bedside, trying to calm the manic boy. 

“Luke! Luke! I’m ok. I’m alive! I promise! Please… please relax.” His hands went up to touch Luke’s shoulder, soothing him with a soft yet stern voice. Ashton waited till Luke calmed down, slowly realizing that he really was alive, and Mikey lied.

Mikey lied to Luke…

“B-But… Mikey said… He showed me!” Luke said desperately, not wanting to think that his friend lied to him… the friend that he has known for most of his life.

“Luke, Mikey isn’t real. We’ve talked about this.” Ashton said sadly, giving Luke a frown as he watched Luke’s eyes glaze over with tears. The hospital doctor watched the scene in front of him awkwardly, slowly backing out of the room.

“Well, if everything is ok, I’ll just be going back to check on the paperwork.” And with that, he left. 

“I-I’m sorry. I just… I saw you die, I saw it happen so many times. Over and over and over…” Luke mumbled, his hands tangling in his hair, pulling at the strands frantically. “You got hi-hit by a c-car. And… and all I could t-think was… was that I c-couldn’t live wi-without you.” His words were still rushed, but Ashton still heard, still absorbed the words… especially the last thing Luke said.

“Why do you think you can’t live without me?” he asked, somewhat scared of the answer. Luke looked up at Ashton with his wide blue eyes, fear and anxiety flashing across them. But the thing that Ashton noticed first wasn’t the emotions behind Luke’s eyes, but the fact that this is the longest Luke has maintained eye contact with the therapist. 

“Cause… c-cause you care about me. And no one has ever cared like you do.”

Ashton leaned forward, resting his lips on the top of Luke’s forehead in a sweet kiss. He ignored the sweat the lined his hairline, too busy taking in Luke’s words.

“Everything is going to be ok, remember that. We are going to find a long-term treatment and help you get through this. I’ll be with you every step of the way. I promise.” Ashton said, pushing Luke’s hair out of his eyes and giving him a smile, which Luke returned because his words were true. Ashton cared.

~*~

Mikey didn’t like Ashton. He constantly was telling Luke that the therapist didn’t really care about the ill boy; that is was only his job to say those nice things. But Luke didn’t listen to the bully of a hallucination. 

“You are so pathetic! Can’t you see that he doesn’t give a shit about you?! He only cares about himself, and the money he makes off trying to help you.”

“Stop it Mikey!”

“You’re not even sick! Why are you going to believe what that fucking dick says?! You’re normal, he just doesn’t understand you.”

“I’m not normal! I-I’m… different. And I don’t want to be different anymore!” Luke felt the tears fall from his eyes. He wrapped his arms around himself, shielding himself from Mikey’s words. 

“And talking to Ashton is going to help you?!” Mikey mocked. “Please, I keep telling you, he doesn’t fucking care about you! You’re kidding yourself Luke.”

“No!” Before he knew it, it was time to see Ashton. Luke gave Mikey a stern yet timid look. “You’re wrong.”

“You never believe me.” And then Mikey was gone. Luke thinks he walked out the door, but he was too far from the door. Either way, he was gone, and Luke sighed in relief. 

When Luke got to Ashton’s office, the receptionist gave him a sweet smile before speaking to him. “If you’d just wait a few minutes, Dr. Irwin is going to be a little late.”

“Told you,” Mikey appeared, a sly smile playing on his lips. “He could give two shits about you.”

“N-No…” Luke muttered, ignoring Mikey in the corner of his eye and looking desperately at the receptionist. “H-He isn’t here?”

“Not yet, but he will be shortly. It won’t be long, I promise.” The kind woman said slowly, trying her best not to say anything that will startle the boy. “If you would just have a seat…”

“This bitch is lying. He isn’t coming. He’s found someone better.” Mikey’s teasing voice whispered in Luke’s ear. “You’re worthless to him…”

“NO!” Luke screamed, grabbing the closest thing to him (a stack of papers) and fling them across the room. The receptionist jumped up, backing away from Luke with terrified eyes. 

M-Mr. Hemmings… Please, calm down.” Luke didn’t want to hear her lies. She was making Luke believe that Ashton was coming when he wasn’t. He was never coming back for Luke. 

“Beat her up, make her regret lying to you.” Mikey said, a childish chuckle escaping his lips as he watched Luke make his way over to the frightened woman. “That’s it Lukey!”

The receptionist reached for her phone, dialing—with shaking fingers—Ashton’s number and prayed that he picked up soon. Thankfully, after 3 rings, Ashton picked up.

“Yes I know I’m late. The main street was backed up for miles. I had to take a bunch of side roads.”

“N-No listen… Mr. Hemmings is… acting up.” The woman stuttered out, her eyes fixated on Luke’s approaching form. He was walking slowly, like he was preventing himself from doing anything serious. But it was Mikey’s voice in his head that told him to keep waling forward, to take the woman’s throat in his hands and squeeze tightly. 

“Define ‘acting up’.” Ashton said slowly. The receptionist didn’t say anything, just holding the phone out to Luke with a trembling hand.

“S-Sir… would you li-like to speak to Dr. Irwin. He’s on the line right now.”

Luke’s face fell instantly, as if he was being awoken from a trance. It was also then that Mikey sighed angrily, watching Luke calm down. Luke nodded softly, taking the phone from the woman. “A-Ashton…”

“Luke, is everything ok? I hear you were acting up. What’s going on?”

“D-Don’t be mad…” Luke said in a timid voice. “M-Mikey told me to hurt the lady.”

“Did you hurt her?”

“No, but he told me to.”

“Is he still there?” Luke looked over at Mikey, who was leaning against the wall in front of Ashton’s office door. 

“Yes.”

“Keep talking to me. I’ll be there in a minute.” Luke nodded, forgetting that Ashton couldn’t see it from through the phone. “Luke?”

“Y-Yes… ok.” But Luke didn’t talk much, mostly mumbling to Mikey to shut up, but Ashton kept reassuring him that he was close to the office. And before he knew it, he was running up the steps two at a time and slamming the door open to find Luke in a fetal position on the floor. 

“Luke, I’m here. It’s ok…” Ashton whispered, lowing himself to Luke’s level as he soothed his hair back and talked in hushed tones. Luke just kept mumbling for Mikey to go away, flinching at the imaginary person’s yells. “Let’s get you inside, come on Luke.” Ashton went to sit Luke up, but the boy wasn’t moving, body too stiff from fear. With a sigh, Ashton put his arms under Luke and carried him bridal style into the office, ignoring the warm feeling in his gut when Luke buried his head in the crook of Ashton’s neck. 

When they get into the office, Ashton gently places Luke on the chair and kneels in front of him, making sure he is ok before going to his chair. Luke was still mumbling and flinching at Mikey, not liking how the hallucination was yelling mean words at him.

“Why are you flinching?” Ashton asked, tilting his head to the side in question. Luke didn’t look up, just watched his fingers fiddle and continued flinching.

“Mikey’s yelling.” Luke whispered. Ashton was sure that his heart was broken after hearing those words come out of Luke so timidly. Sure, Luke has always been timid and shy, but this… this was different. Luke finally looked up at Ashton and if it was possible for one’s heart to shatter with a single image, that image would be Luke’s bright blue eyes, glassed over from tears and red from previous crying. Ashton’s breath hitched in his throat, watching as the tears fell from Luke’s stunning eyes—how can eyes be so blue?!

Luke felt awkward under Ashton’s gaze, blushing slightly as he turned away. Thoughts entered Luke’s mind, thoughts like how Ashton’s smile was the most beautiful thing Luke’s ever seen. Hope filled Luke’s chest; hope that Ashton might feel the same, if his gaze was anything to go by. It was then that Mikey decided to torment Luke more.

“Wow… you seriously think this fucker would ever like you?! You’re pathetic!” Mikey laughed loudly, and Luke curled in on himself cause it’s true. Ashton would never like him…

“You’re right.” Luke whispered, head low in shame.

“Who’s right?” Ashton asked.

“Mikey.”

“Why is Mikey right?” 

Luke blushed, biting his lip ring slightly. “You’d never like me…”

Ashton shook his head, getting up off his chair to kneel in front of Luke again. Only this time, he reached forward slowly to take Luke’s hand in his own. Turning over to show Luke’s wrist, he noticed a bunch of white slashes. This instantly broke his heart more, but he lifted Luke’s wrist to his lips and kissed over the scars gently. Luke’s eyes widened, watching Ashton’s lips pucker against the thin skin of his wrist. But soon after, his face turned beet red, biting down at his lip shyly.

“Of course I like you,” Ashton whispered softly, looking up at Luke with a smile. “I care, remember.”

Luke returned the smile, and when he turned to look at Mikey, he could see that the boy was gone. What was even better was that Luke’s mind was empty. There were no voices, no noise, just thoughts of Ashton’s smile and his dimples and his eyes. Just Ashton. 

“He’s gone.” Luke announced. 

“Good.” Ashton’s voice was quiet, as if any loud sound would break the beautiful atmosphere created right now. Luke’s eyes flashed with an emotion that Ashton hasn’t seen from the boy before. As if an instinct, Ashton’s eyes landed on Luke’s lips briefly before going back up to meet his eyes. He was hoping the blonde wouldn’t notice—he did—and Luke smiled, biting his lip again.

“You made him go away.” Luke whispered, watching as Ashton’s smile grew. 

“Let’s hope he stays gone.” 

~*~

It’s been a month since Luke’s meltdown in the office, and to say he’s been better would be an understatement. The doctor and patient made an unspoken arrangement that really helped Luke; whenever Mikey would arrive during their session, Luke would inform Ashton, and the therapist would come over and kiss Luke’s wrist, and Mikey would fade away. It was like Ashton was Luke’s personal treatment, his lips against his skin slowly healing his manic mind. 

So when Luke came in to see Ashton this week, the boy was happy to report that Mikey hasn’t showed up all week. Ashton was so happy, smile so wide it could crack his face in half. When he asked Luke how he managed to keep Mikey away, the boy blushed and fiddled his fingers nervously. But this was a different kind of nervous, like how a schoolgirl would be in front of her crush. Luke giggled softly as he looked up at the therapist. 

“I-uh… I thought a-about you… a lot.” Those words had Ashton jumping up out of his chair and going over to Luke, hugging the boy and kissing his forehead. When Ashton pulls away, he remained close to Luke’s face, watching the boy’s smile as he leaned down towards Luke’s cheek. Ashton’s lips kissed the high of Luke’s cheek, right under his eye, before he pulled away slightly to kiss a bit lower—closer to Luke’s lips. He pulled away, looking Luke in the eye before glancing down at Luke’s lips quickly. When their eyes met again, Luke nodded slightly, and Ashton didn’t need any more permission. 

Ashton’s lips found Luke’s, not moving right away, but just enjoying the feeling. Both boys thought each other’s lips were like heaven, soft and sweet. It wasn’t until Ashton moved his hand to behind Luke’s neck that the kiss deepened, both of them suddenly eager to be closer, kiss harder. Luke snaked his arms behind Ashton’s neck as well, pulling him closer and letting out a small gasp. They kissed, feeling each other unravel under each other’s touch; it was truly wonderful.

And the best part about it was…

Luke heard no voices.

((The receptionist came in moments after, seeing the two boys kissing, and smiled, leaving the room. She went back to her phone, where another patient was on hold. Picking up the phone again, she giggled as she said, “I’m sorry. Dr. Irwin is busy right now and can’t come to the phone. Can I take a message?”))


End file.
